The mind sees what the heart doesn't want to accept.

Loosen your grip to gain control.

There are so many reads on "How to Gain Control by Letting Go."  Because it works!!

Way back when, I remember listening to DMX on his Ruff Ryders' Anthem song and he goes "Give a dog a bone, leave a dog alone.. let a dog roam and he'll find his way home" then I remember listening to a Missy Elliot song in 2007 singing "But I let a dog roam now he wanna come home" in a song with Lil Kim and Keisha Cole.  

Now, I'm not saying DMX, Lil Kim or Missy Elliot are who you should turn to when looking for advice on dating and relationships. It's just a reference point.  I compare men to holding sand, the tighter of a grip you want to put on them, the more it slips out of your hands. If you pick up a handful of sand and just let it sit in your palm with an open hand, the sand stays there.

No one is meant to be controlled in life, no one wants to feel trapped. And it's amazing to see how when you give a guy his space and privacy -- how much they want to be locked down and tell you everything. It's learning how to get what you want by making them believe that they want it by acting in a way that benefits the both of you; the power of the mind and how you play it.

I do not trust words.

I even question actions.

But I never doubt patterns.

This hits home for me in a lot of ways. And ladies, this goes for everything in life. When someone tells you what you want to hear, acts exactly how you'd hope they would and then falls back in to the same cycle time and time again, leave. Just leave, it's the best decision you'll make.

We've all heard the "I promise baby this time will be different because I realize now how much you mean to me and I promise I won't ever take you for granted again" or some variation of that. I've gotten videos of men crying to me, lengthy emails where I can feel the tears dripping on their keyboard as they type the email, flights across the world (literally) just to show up on your doorstep because they are desperate and so scared to lose you. These are the dangerous ones.  They're dangerous because they mean exactly what they are saying in that moment, but that's just it. It's only for that moment, once you open up and give yourself to them again, it's right back to history repeating itself.

You move past them, you start living an anxiety-free stress-free life, you're happy, and when you find yourself not really thinking about them anymore... they come knocking on your door preaching how much they've changed.  Don't get sucked back into the cycle, if there's pattern in their behavior, it's there to stay and you need to leave.

When people treat you like they don't care, believe them.

Story Time

I once had one of my close guy friends get extremely pissed off with me (where he stopped talking to me for several months) over advice I gave him when he explained his situation with this girl he was interested in.

I did my due diligence, asked all the right questions, read the text messages between them and I told him she wasn't interested in him. He kept going against me saying that if she wasn't interested why does she still text him. Listen, I read the texts.

Sometimes people don't want to be rude or hurtful so they entertain you.. especially if you've been talking and  hung out and then they decided they weren't interested. They can get bored, they can get lonely and you're there. If you're questioning whether someone is interested in you or not they probably aren't.

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Anyway, I told him to stop texting her. It was a test to see if she'd reach out to him. I knew if he stopped texting her she wouldn't text him anymore and certainly not initiate. And that's exactly what happened. Till this day, he still blames me for that ruined datingship (because I can barely call it a relationship.)

Don't come to me and tell me that someone is interested in you because they are responding to you, try not reaching out and see if you even hear from this person. It's hurtful but everyone's been there.

WTLB

• Train your mind to see the good in every situation.

• Live less out of HABIT and more out of INTENT.

• Be patient, everything comes to you at the right moment.

• The impossible becomes possible if only your mind believes it.

• Getting no message is also a message.

• Don't strive to make your presence noticed, just make your absense felt.

• Being in a relationship won't heal you and being single won't kill you.

• He's not doing anything to keep you, so stop fighting to stay.

• They say it's real if it comes back, I say it's real if it never left.

• A man can fail many times, but he is not a failure until he begins to blame somebody else.

• Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.

• The bad news is nothing lasts forever, the good news is nothing lasts forever.

• Because she competes with no one, no one can compete with her.

• People take you for granted because they assume you'll always be there. Change it up.

• Once you feel you are avoided by someone, never disturb them again.

• A ship is safe in harbor, but that's not what ships are for.

• If they only want you, don't worry about who wants them.

• When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.

• You can't finish a book by re-reading the same page. 

• When angry do not sin, don't ever let your wrath last until the sun goes down.

• The art of knowing is knowing what to ignore. 

• Never fight for a spot in anyone's life.

• The same ones who mistreated you, will end up needing you.

• I reward love with loyalty and doubt with distance, it's never complicated.

• You can smell desperation miles away.

• We make time for what's important and excuses for what's not.

• The world is a great book; he who never leaves from home reads only a page.

• Our first love and last love.... is SELF LOVE.